August
12
17:05
Relations

The relationship between mother-in-law, and

course, you can.For example, if your home - a spacious villa, where you can not see each other for weeks with his mother-in-law.Or if you know for sure that the composition of the family to live in such a short time and will be a maximum of 1-2 years will become the owners of their own homes.In these cases the advice of the older generation will not seem intrusive, and comments will be taken ironically: "Yes, it seems, it is time to arrange training for closing the tap - otherwise we flood the whole staircase!"And claims there joking manner: "Mom, do not cook sausage in the morning. Their smell is absorbed into clothing, for me all the cats come running area."You may even like to live together, driving around, you will experience a slight feeling of sadness ... If we have to live in a standard malogabaritki and prospects of individual housing is not expected, the opposition, even in its mildest form, is inevitable.Because it's not about who and how is farming or raising children.The essence of the confl

ict, "the two mistresses," though often manifests itself in everyday life, but actually lies much deeper.


you - adults

A live adult with previous generation becomes difficult.And this is the first cause of conflict.After adulthood - is striving for independence, initiative and approval of all walks of life.But parents always have a dual commitment: on the one hand, they want to make the child independent and to release him into adulthood, but on the other - continues to take care of him!When separation such touching concern touches.In a joint - a burden.You can not feel an adult when you say every morning: "transport road carefully. And be sure to eat a hot lunch!"


second reason
- lack of space.At the same time, strangely enough, the number of square meters and the rooms are not so important - it's about personal space.Each of us at least occasionally need to be alone with him: to ponder in silence some important issue for us (without being distracted by others), had a good lie on the couch (not expecting constantly reproach of laziness) or from the heart to sing in the bathroom (not embarrassedlack of voice and hearing).When we are deprived of the opportunity to behave as she pleased, there is a feeling of pressure and stiffness, constant feeling: "Not for a moment can not relax!"From here - increasing irritation to those who deprives you of this possibility.The third reason - the age difference.People of different generations habits and outlook on life are dissimilar.You can really love their grandmother or mother, but a habit to wash clothes by hand ("Better preserved color") and then hang the clothes around the home can put out of balance.And if the second mistress - mother-in-law - a very elderly woman, you may have a difficult energy.You always give her some of its energy and emotions and therefore feel quite exhausted.The fourth reason - problems of childhood.Parent-child relationship between the mother-in-law and very complex.If as a child you experienced resentment, a sense of abandonment, lack of love, these impressions can torture you forever.It would seem that as adults, all have to forget, especially now you can better understand the motives of the parents.It is clear also that the younger sister was painful, because my mother and left her all summer resort, it is not just because you quit!But no.Emotions childhood do not go away, and when more and joint habitation - byte arise friction, resentment children are activated with a bang.As a result, lives under the same roof can cause a mother and daughter to torment each other for a long time the events of the past and figuring out who gets hurt then.


Fear of depression!

How long can I endure psychological discomfort?To avoid problems began to arise with health - two years.It is believed that at this period a person is enough emotional resources to cope with stress and to maintain composure.Over a long period of living together can turn unpleasant consequences for the psyche.Moreover, adverse changes may occur not necessarily in hysterics or loud scandals.Permanently low mood, perpetual expectation of "something wrong" may cause the development of the so-called syndrome of learned helplessness.This is when a person stops to think about "how to do better," but just silently brings trouble.Such apathy can lead to depression.Constant voltage deteriorates and physical well-being: starts to hurt back, possible headaches and a feeling of loss of strength.


If your home
conflicts are openly - shouting, accusations and smashing crockery, then the voltage you are likely to be spared.But in a few years may have an unconscious feeling of fear or anxiety, and different forms of obsession ...

Well, if you share the fate of living together with their parents to the husband or permanent partner.First, you have emotional support, the ability to discuss everything and most importantly - to talk!Secondly, a man rarely included in household disassembly and therefore becomes a bulwark of peace in the house.


What to do ?!

Train yourself to think: "It's time."Even if clear grounds for such hope not.Nothing is as depressing as the thought of that unfortunate situation will last forever.Thinking it end sooner or later, you will be able to look at what is happening eyes of an observer, and do not worry so sharply.

"I want to live separately, but it is impossible" - chase away these wrong thoughts.And right thoughts - this is when you can describe in detail their desire and often think about it.And it's not that, immersed in a fantasy world, you avoid the negative reality.Psychologists assert - all we really want is sold.

Watch men and learn from them.What happens when you are a mother (in-law) come on the warpath because of the wrong things stacked in the closet?Man, as a rule, disappear quietly, taking place at the TV.And if you ask his presence, he will still listen to you with a look, as if thinking about global warming.This behavior (care of the situation) will help you save nerves.A mother (in-law), you still will not prove anything.


If your home
you often faced with aggression and reproaches, the best way to fight - to ignore it.Imagine that the source of evil is behind the glass, and you can change the color of his imagination and the density of the glass.Thicker - if the conversation turns into a meaningless squabble, thinner - if you see that the other person is willing to normal dialogue.But as soon as you hear the charges - between you falls deaf soundproof glass.And behind him rushing someone cloudy, shouts, waving his hands - so hard to see ...

from their own, too, need to get rid of aggression.Only methods not harmful to anyone.The simplest of them - running, any physical work.More respectable - yoga classes in fitness centers.There are computer games where you have to find the villains and save humanity from them.

There are complaints in small doses.It is better to do a little more often remark: people react to them calmly and not take offense.If you are silent for a long time, ahead of a big scandal is inevitable - in fact accumulated tension will still require a release.

not fight for the right to wear the title of "the best hostess."It does not give you any advantage from the daughter.And here is the right to personal territory Defend in-law!You should have a corner where there are only your things where you can enjoy at least a minute of rest.


can certainly
, a long time trying to reassure himself, trying to ignore the criticisms and insults, to pretend that you care about someone who obviously provokes you to the scandal.But everyone, even the angelic patience sometimes comes a limit, and if you feel that you are about to fall through, try a simple stress relief techniques.They help relieve stress.

1. At the time of stress often tense parts of the body - neck, shoulders, stomach, jaw.Locate on the body area where the greatest stress is felt.Close your eyes, concentrate on this point, the maximum strain it for 3-4 seconds, then relax.You will feel the stress leaving.

2. Retreat, sit down, close your eyes, imagine yourself in front of a rainbow.Slowly take a deep breath ... and merge onto the top of the rainbow.And as you exhale - dealed with it like a roller coaster.

Test:


How do you feel at home?

1. When approaching a weekend or holiday, you think, where would run away from home these days.

2. You experience irritation when you hear the conversation in the next room, the sound of the TV or the sound of water.

Z. you trouble there at the table, and you try to avoid sharing meals and other contacts.

4. There are little things, from which constantly bad mood.

5. You are faced with the fact that your requests and wishes regarding life are ignored.

6. Your communication is vexatious (mutual comments, complaints, mockery).

7. Returning home, you think, "Well would it (them) was not at home."

8. You feel better when you're away from home (at work, with friends, in a shop, cafe).

9. You do not want to invite friends and acquaintances.

10. Do you sometimes feel that you do out of spite.

Possible answers:

"No, this does not happen" - 1 point "This happens rarely" - 2 points "Often and often" - 3 points "It happens all the time" - 4 points


summarize:

You scored 10 points: in the cohabitation in-law you can see only advantages in this ... problem.This shows your immaturity.You around waiting for the board of elders.However, if you are satisfied, whether to change something?

you scored 10 to 20 points: You are experiencing the stress of everyday life: people living under one roof, are beginning to experience negative emotions.It is important that no personal animosity.It seems the family is good sense of humor - it's value!You scored 20 to 30 points: Stress is quite high.If you live with the family of her husband, that's fine, but if their parents, be specific in their requests, "Do not go in my room when I relax and let my robe hanging right here."Dramatically?Sometimes the difficulties in communication can only be solved so.

you scored 30 to 40 points: You are experiencing constant stress.Do not try to make the relationship better.Keep contact to a minimum: "Good morning."Live peacefully as neighbors.Paradoxically, in this case, the relationship between mother-in-law, and could be warmer.

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