Children // Adolescents

Corporal punishment in childrearing

Many parents are convinced that education without punishment - it is "silly books that have nothing to do with real life," reinforces my opinion a simple argument: children were punished at all times, so it is right and necessary.But let's face it.

punish children - it's a tradition?

champions of education by corporal punishment like to refer to this unquestioned and authoritative as the Bible: it is there, in the pages of the Old Testament, in the book of Proverbs of King Solomon, there are many statements on this subject.Taken together, these quotes, alas, produce a depressing effect.How do you, for example, as follows: "Discipline your son while there is hope, and do not spare for his crying."Or this: "Do not leave young men without punishment if shalt beat him with the rod, he shall not die."Just blood run cold from such advice.How could it be otherwise since they appeared at a time when most people were slaves, when nobody even thought about human rights, and justice was done by the barbaric ex

ecutions and torture.Is it possible to seriously discuss this in our day?By the way, today the home of King Solomon (that is, in the modern state of Israel) the rights of children are protected by a special law: every child, if the parents use physical punishment to him, can complain to the police and to plant them in jail for assault.

method of carrot and stick

Somewhere we have heard it - carrots and sticks.It is very simple and is based on the teachings of Pavlov on conditioned reflexes: the team performed well - received food, poorly executed - shlopotal lashes.In the end, the animal learns how to behave.When the host.And without it?Unfortunately no!

child, of course, not an animal.Even if he is very young, it is possible to explain everything, so that he understood.Then he will do the right thing always, and not only when being watched, "higher authorities."This is called the ability to think for themselves.If you are at all times to monitor the child, when he grows up and break your "cell" can break and make some stupid things a lot.We know that criminals tend to grow up in families where children or severely punished, or simply do not pay attention to them.

He did not do anything!

As is known, the child is born innocent.The first thing he sees and what instinctively seeks - the parents.Therefore, all the traits and habits that it acquires with age - the whole merit of mothers and fathers.Remember, as in "Alice in Wonderland": "If a pig ears, name-calling from the cradle, Baiushki-bye!Even the tame cat child grows in the future, pig! "Some psychologists generally believe that to raise a child specifically (to use any teaching methods) is not required if the parents are behaving properly, the child will grow good, they just imitating.You say, in life it does not happen?So you recognize that you are not perfect.And for those who recognize that it is not perfect, it must be recognized also that all your sins of our children to blame ourselves.

not punish?What to do?

How to raise children without corporal punishment?Very simple!You can try to organize things so that the child had no reason to punish.But if you still do not get, and there are conflicts, there are proven methods of influence, not associated with violence or with manipulation.

If a child refuses to do something (for example, you are asked to clean it up in the nursery), tell him that then you have to do it itself and you do not have time to check out the child before bedtime book.

If a child has done something wrong, talk to him heart to heart: Remember your childhood and tell the story of how you once made the same mistake, and then repent and correct (if your child will be easier to recognize your mistakes,without fear of punishment).

Use the method timeout.Its essence lies in the fact that at a crucial moment (fight, hysterical whims) child without yelling and prodding is displayed (or imposed) from the epicenter of events and is isolated for a time in another room.Time-out (ie pause) depends on the age of the child.It is believed that one should leave the child on the basis of "one minute per year of life", ie,three years - three minutes, four - four, etc.The main thing is that he did not take it as a punishment.

In the end, you can "take offense" at the child, and for some time to deprive him of his usual, very pleasant for him to communicate, leaving only the necessary "officialdom".The main thing is that during this period the child is not lost faith in your love.

4 causes of bad behavior the child:


What appears

What mistake parents

How to resolve the situation

What to do next

Lack of attention

child persistently pesters with intrusive questions

The child is given too little attention

calmly discuss with him wrongdoing and express your dissatisfaction

Set aside time during the day to communicate with the child

power struggle

Child often argues and shows stubbornness (vrednichaet), often lying

Child too controlled (psychological pressure on him)

ledges, try to offer a compromise

Do not attempt to defeat him, offered a choice


child is rude, cruel to the weak, spoils things

Small inconspicuous humiliation ("Leave me alone, you're still a little!»)

Analyze what is the reason for the challenge

not avenge him yourself, try to make contact


child disclaims any proposals in no way wants to participate

overprotection,parents do everything for the child

Suggest compromise

Encourage and praise the child at every stage of

So you need encouragement?

Scientists conducted an experiment: the monkey was given a very complicated lock - after much effort, she opened it.Then she was given another castle - she did not rest until he has mastered him.And so many times, the monkey does the trick and rapidly happy.And then for the successful development of the castle suddenly given her a banana.This monkey is over all the joy: she now worked on the lock only if it demonstrated a banana, and no satisfaction experienced.

Secret becomes clear

If a child is severely punished and humiliated at home, it necessarily emerge in his children's games, and in the future - and in relationships with peers.Psychological "footprint" of corporal punishment in child-rearing is for life.First, he will shock surrounding the beating of their own toys, then move to the classmates, and then on his family (in any case, to bring in another of his children he can not).If you do have such a child, think: maybe it's time to terminate a family scenario?

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