Children // Adolescents

Interpersonal relations in children's groups

best thing about this wrote English novelist William Gerald Golding in his famous novel "Lord of the Flies", which tells how the boy got on a desert island and lived there for your children (or rather, not children's) laws.But it is a fiction and the grotesque: in real life, of course, is not so dramatic.But in fact very similar.Sooner or later a child is among his peers, so he has to empirically study the interpersonal relations in the children's group and learn to earn credibility.Some children calmly adapt to any new society: no matter how much their transfer from school to school, no matter how much is sent to children's camps, everywhere they crowd of friends and friends.But unfortunately, not all kids given the nature of this gift of communication.Many children have difficulties in adapting, and sometimes find themselves in the role of a target for output of aggression from peers (a kind of "whipping boy").

child does not fit into the team

is enough to start the engine in a class of one, so t

o say, harmful child - and unhealthy atmosphere of persecution provided.These children feel the need to assert themselves at the expense of others: someone hurt and humiliated, configure some children against others (like "Against whom will be friends?"), And so on. D. As a result, suffer the most vulnerable of their classmates: friendly, not accustomed to aimingviolence against them.Among them may be, and your child, so when entering the first grade (or when transferring to a new school), the first time it should be on the alert.

If you feel that at school the child may have problems with their peers, better to spend working with him and talk about simple method of "psychological aikido."What you need to explain to the child that he encountered difficult situations head-on and went out of their dignity?

1. Conflicts are inevitable

In life, people's interests will inevitably clash, so you need to calmly and philosophically treat the dispute between them, trying to reach a consensus (ie a mutually beneficial agreement).For its part, should be possible not to run into the conflict (not to be annoying, do not snitch, and not to be greedy, do not show off and do not ask).

2. it is impossible to please everyone

As Bender said: "I do not ducat to please everyone."Teach your child that it need not be all love and do not try to please everyone all means.Especially unacceptable to curry favor with a reputable children and trying to earn their respect by means of gifts, concessions and "podlizyvaniya."

3. Always protect!

child know that aggression can not meekly give in if he called them or knocked, it is necessary to fight back.Christian attitude of non-resistance "if you hit on the cheek - turn the other" in the children's collective inevitably dooms the child to bullying.

4. Maintain neutral

Ideal - to have equal relations with all.So it's best not to support boycotts and get on someone's side in disputes.Optionally do it pointedly: You can find a plausible excuse ("I've got to class," "I have no right to interfere in the affairs of others).


Usually, if a child really is not got a contact with their peers, one talking here is not enough.Parents should at an early stage to take all possible measures to fit the child into society.Talk with teachers about the problems your child and make them allies.

* Make sure that your child is apparently not very stood out among the others.

* Try to do to ensure the child communicate with classmates (invite them to visit, send their children to day care and so on. D.).

* If the child has non-standard appearance, it is necessary to prepare mentally to "attack" from rebyatni: psychologists advise in advance together to come up with teasers and laugh at them.

* If the child suffers from indecision and is not able to react quickly in difficult situations, we can rehearse their home in the form of role-playing games ("you have selected items," "teasing you" and so on. P.) And develop a strategy of behavior.

«Children will understand»

is believed that adults should not interfere in the affairs of the children: that the child should learn to solve their own problems.This is true not for all situations.Firstly, the child should always feel your moral support.Secondly, you will also feel better if he had a habit to share with you my experiences.Even if you're not going to personally intervene in any difficult situation, you can tell your child what to do.

«I am your child to stand up LADIES»

What if the child offended peers, and you know who did it?It would seem that the easiest way - to go and justice: to punish the offenders.The child learns about it and get moral satisfaction."I'm good, they are bad."Only here will you use this tactic?Is not it better to try to solve the problem at the root: explain to your child what he can do to make this situation does not repeat itself.Then the next time he was able to cope with offenders.


boy's parents always want to fly them were "real boys" and can stand up for themselves with their fists.You can and should give the boy in the sports section, that he learned fighting techniques, but it is necessary to explain to him, he studies them not to use any time.Self-defense techniques can give the child self-confidence, but in parallel with this, you must teach him to solve conflicts in constructive ways, leaving a fist argument of last resort.

list of contenders for the role of "scapegoat»

Children with non-standard appearance

• too thick (or too thin)

• small or too tall

• kids glasses (especially in corrective - withone eye closed)

• red

• overly curly

Children with unpleasant habits surrounding

• constantly sniffing (or pick your nose)

• slovenly dressed, with dirty hair

• Childrenwho slurp shopping, talking with his mouth full, and so on. d.

Children inadequate in dealing

• too intrusive and talkative

• too timid and shy

• easily vulnerable and touchy

• whiners

• bouncers

• liars

Children released from team

• children dressed better than others emphasized

• pets teachers (as well as children who do not like the teacher)

• sneak and crybabies


• too abstruse ("not of this world»)


There are several basic types of interpersonal relations in the children's collective:


the child is not paying attention asif it is not.He was not taken into account in any allocation of roles, the child no interest.The child does not know the number of classmates, no one calls him a visit.He says nothing about the school.

What should parents do?

talk with the class teacher, to try to establish contact with the children (to bring them to your child)

Passive rejection

child does not take the game, refusing to sit down with him for one party does not want to be with him in onesports team.Child reluctant to go to school, comes to lessons in a bad mood.

What should parents do?

analyze the reasons (why not take a child) and try to eliminate them.Proceed through teachers and tutors.

active rejection

Children defiantly unwilling to communicate with the child, do not consider his opinion, do not listen, do not conceal contempt.Sometimes a child suddenly refuses to go to school, often crying for no reason.

What should parents do?

transfer the child to another class (or in another school).Talk to teachers.Consult a psychologist.


Constant ridicule, name-calling and teasing the child, pushed and beaten, robbed and spoiled things bullied.The child bruises and abrasions, often "lost" things and money.

What should parents do?

urgently transfer the child to another school!Give it to the club, where he will be able to demonstrate their abilities as much as possible and be on top.Consult a psychologist.

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